In which I learn new things

I have learned a new aspect of the law of unintended consequences:  smoking has been outlawed in bars for months now, and as a result, I might have to actually pay for matches.  The free match gravy train has ended.

I have learned that I do not live in America, because I live in a city.

I have learned that pregnant women are especially flatulent.

I have learned that exercise and drastically reduced beer intake are not enough to bring back at 32-inch waist.  If I only liked salad more than cheesesteaks!

I have learned that there is no decent mass transit for intercity hedonism in the Baltimore-Washington area.  There are no trains from D.C. to Baltimore between 10 p.m. and 3:15 a.m. on Saturday nights.  There was a time when I would not have blanched at a 3:15 return train... but I question my stamina for partying that long now.  My choices for a night in DC are to either (a) end it by 10 p.m., early even by my decrepit standards; (b) keep the action going until 3:00 a.m., difficult when you have no plans on hooking up; (c) don't drink, so I can drive myself home; or (d) crash at a friend's house.  If you think (d) is the best option, you're wrong.  The only people I know to crash with are people whose breasts I have seen, and while that's all in my past, it still wouldn't be seemly to spend the night with them, however chastely, while my wife's out of town.

I have learned that I can substitute blackeyed peas for black beans in one of my staple dinner entrees.  I'm not sure if there's any dietary advantage to this, but it's good to change things up once in awhile.