It seems that I should make some weighty post about the birth of our son, but I find myself coming up short. For one thing, I find that there is this tendency to behave as if one is the only person on earth to have ever reproduced -- that one's own childbirth experience is so unique and so singular that it must be related to anyone who will listen for their own edification and awe.
When in fact there is a childbirth story for every single human being on earth, neither more nor less unique than mine. So... we had a baby. I was crying myself when he came out. A really large baby -- at 9 lbs. 9.5 ozs, my wife had a person who weighed almost 9% of her pre-pregnancy weight come out of her. We stayed in the hospital for a few days because she had a c-section. What a sad commentary on the state of American society that we were sort of glad for the c-section because it meant an extra two weeks of paid maternity leave.
The grandparents and other well-wishers paraded through. I became a champion baby-quieter. The diaper thing is not really such a big deal -- the thought of regularly working with someone else's feces was one of my qualms about daddyhood, but -- at least for a breastfed baby -- it's nothing, really. Now when he's two and eating solid foods, it might be a different story.
There is an ocean of conflicting advice on baby care. Keep him on a schedule. Don't keep him on a schedule. Swaddle and comfort him. Let him cry it out. We're still feeling our way through on that.
The sleep deprivation is an issue. He has been a largely nocturnal creature, preferring to sleep all day and stay awake (noisely) all night. That slowly seems to be changing, but Cynthia, especially, is exhausted. I went back to work after two weeks and so ever since then she has been handling the midnight-to-six duties during the week (I still jump in on the weekends). We have different attitudes towards his constant crying; if he is fed and changed, I regard his crying like the sound of the ocean, something that it's useless to rail against, but it has an actual physical effect on Cynthia and she's unable to bear it for very long. But slowly, slowly, we're figuring out the difference between crying that should be attended to and crying that should be ignored.
"Colic," I've decided, is a term for a complex constellation of symptoms centered around the absolute physical and mental destruction of a baby's parents. The baby himself seems none the worse for wear after straining and screaming and crying all night. We, however, are wrecks.
I have not engaged in any meaningful exercise since the day he was born. The morning before we went to the hospital I took a nice long run, knowing it might be my last one for awhile. The combination of baby and cold weather (because, let's be honest, my morning run has been exceptionally sporadic during the below-freezing months for the past three winters) has shut down that enterprise almost entirely. Now, my workout consists of hoisting an increasingly heavy baby in my arms many times a day.
Cynthia's mother cam for two weeks after New Year's Day. Wei-Po (the Chinese term for one's maternal grandmother) adores her grandson; we started referring to him as xiao wang-zi, the little prince, based on his grandmother's worship of him. We were very glad for her help. And the delicious Chinese food she cooked every night. So in addition to not exercising, I was consuming massive amounts of home-made noro mein and other great dishes for two weeks. Wei-Po and I would meet in the kitchen and compare notes on cooking. I showed her how to make guacamole (which she could not pronounce). She showed me how to make a stir-fry with pork, bamboo shoots, and pickles (!). The name of which I cannot pronounce. Her mother's great regret was that her breastfeeding daughter did not want to eat too much spicy food, for the baby's sake. Wei-Po is from Sichuan where the food comes in two temperatures -- so spicy it burns your lips (la), and so spicy your face goes numb (ma la).
(I think I am Cynthia's parents' favorite Chinese daughter-in-law, despite being neither Chinese nor a daughter-in-law, because I cook, work 9-to-5, and gave them a grandson. Their actual Chinese daughter-in-law is brilliant, charming, and very successful, with a better education than me, twice my income (at least) and a beautiful eight-year-old daughter. But she works a lot of hours and doesn't like cooking, cleaning, dogs, or spicy food. Who knew that my relative lack of ambition or material success could actually ingratiate me with my in-laws?)
When Wei-Po went home I felt like I should pat her down at at the airport, and search her luggage, to make sure she hadn't smuggled Axl out of the house to take home with her.
My parents are also doting... at a distance. We took Axl to their house on Christmas Eve so he could be passed from relative to relative. My mother could not leave her dogs to spend two weeks with any of her children under any circumstances. And while she would be glad to babysit Axl for a day or two, there would be no request to leave him for a week, like Cynthia's mom wanted. (What Cynthia's dad wanted is, I think, utterly irrelevant to her calculations). My mother is trying to find someone with a pony so Axl can learn to ride. I suggested that he learn to walk first. Or at least hold his own head upright.
Will he be gay? Or a personal trainer? Or both? This week his favorite activity -- besides eating -- is lying on his back in his "baby gym" and looking at himself in the mirror.
That's enough baby stuff for now.
1 comment:
I found in the case of my infant son that when he was in a mood to just lie around he was also in a mood to listen to soft classical music. I cannot say if that had something to do with his (later, teen years) development as an amateur musician. However I do think I can say with some confidence that it seemed to have something with his ability to interact with sounds and language. Or maybe he was gifted with good genes, or this would have come out of him anyway as a part of natural development. But I think the music helped.
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